What Do You Value?
How to align your actions with what matters
Do you ever feel your existence lacks meaning?
Do you struggle with finding purpose for yourself?
Does indecision rule your life?
Hard questions to answer. If you answered yes to any of them, you’ve come to the right place. We’re going to begin to solve the problem they represent.
These are real issues many people face. I can’t promise you’ll solve the problem today, but we will start to chip away at it. These things take time.
This is part two of our introduction to Acceptance & Commitment Therapy (ACT). To give a quick refresher, this form of therapy focuses on two things: Accepting our thoughts and emotions, rather than trying to change them, and committing to live in accordance with our values.
By doing these things, we build our resilience and are better equipped to flourish.
Last week we discussed acceptance. Today, as you can imagine, we’ll get into commitment.
If you haven’t gotten a chance to read last week’s post, find it here:
Commitment
One major trigger or cause for depression is when we don’t live in accordance with our values. Things feel wrong and out of place. Big pieces of us get subdued, maybe even forgotten.
During my journey with depression, I forgot one of my biggest values: creativity. Part of forgetting was practical; at school, I sharpened marketable skills so I could make a living in the future. I wanted to make a lot of money so I could comfortably explore creativity decades down the road. This meant neglecting a big value of mine for, well, decades.
I’ve discussed my recent reconnection with creativity before, specifically in my post on resilience. The key word there being ‘recent’. Do you know what that means? I really did neglect it for multiple years.
There were times it still flickered, of course. I remember discussing an idea I had for a novel with a friend at one point. I even wrote the first page for it. But that was the extent of my creative endeavor. Other attempts at creativity also quickly flitted out of existence.
Funnily enough, though, I remember getting creative while building a website for a class at school once. The website could be whatever I wanted, as long as it had a couple of objects like a menu and a table. I made a movie review site, and took it way beyond what the instructions asked for (blame the flow state I got in).
The assignment sparked something in me.
I used to think the spark came from low-level programming (problem-solving, logic, rules). Years later, I understand it was from creative expression.
I realize now what a huge disservice that neglect, intentional or not, was to my wellbeing. While not close to being the only cause for my depression, it has certainly contributed. Hindsight is 20/20.
I’m now committed to sticking with creativity and I’m better for it.
What values have you subdued or forgotten entirely? That’s what we’re here to figure out today.
Below is a list of common values for you to read through. I’ll have you pick a few you find important to focus on during this next week. Before you start, though, I have a couple of suggestions:
Go with your gut - you don’t need to be a full-fledged scholar of your religion or philosophy to pick some values. We all have inherent differences in us and that’s okay.
Pick values you feel are highly important but you aren’t currently living in accordance with. For example, if you value honesty but are already an honest person, it won’t do much good to focus on it more. You’re already living it out, and thus don’t have to commit to try to embody it more often. Maybe choose something you don’t currently embody but value highly.
Interpret “a few” liberally. If you only find one value you want to be intentional about right now, that’s okay. If you find eight, that’s okay too.
Okay, feel like you’re ready? Go ahead and read through the list and pick a few values you’d like to commit to living out.
List of values created by Dr. Russ Harris, one of the founders of ACT.
EXERCISE: A Values Checklist
1. Acceptance/self-acceptance: to be accepting of myself, others, life, etc.
2. Adventure: to be adventurous; to actively explore novel or stimulating experiences
3. Assertiveness: to respectfully stand up for my rights and request what I want
4. Authenticity: to be authentic, genuine, and real; to be true to myself
5. Caring/self-care: to be caring toward myself, others, the environment, etc.
6. Compassion/self-compassion: to act kindly toward myself and others in pain
7. Connection: to engage fully in whatever I’m doing and be fully present with others
8. Contribution and generosity: to contribute, give, help, assist, or share
9. Cooperation: to be cooperative and collaborative with others
10. Courage: to be courageous or brave; to persist in the face of fear, threat, or difficulty
11. Creativity: to be creative or innovative
12. Curiosity: to be curious, open-minded, and interested; to explore and discover
13. Encouragement: to encourage and reward behavior that I value in myself or others
14. Engagement: to engage fully in what I am doing
15. Fairness and justice: to be fair and just to myself or others
16. Fitness: to maintain or improve or look after my physical and mental health
17. Flexibility: to adjust and adapt readily to changing circumstances
18. Freedom and independence: to choose how I live and help others do likewise
19. Friendliness: to be friendly, companionable, or agreeable toward others
20. Forgiveness/self-forgiveness: to be forgiving toward myself or others
21. Fun and humor: to be fun loving; to seek, create, and engage in fun-filled activities
22. Gratitude: to be grateful for and appreciative of myself, others, and life
23. Honesty: to be honest, truthful, and sincere with myself and others
24. Industry: to be industrious, hardworking, and dedicated
25. Intimacy: to open up, reveal, and share myself, emotionally or physically
26. Kindness: to be kind, considerate, nurturing, or caring toward myself or others
27. Love: to act lovingly or affectionately toward myself or others
28. Mindfulness: to be open to, engaged in and curious about the present moment
29. Order: to be orderly and organized
30. Persistence and commitment: to continue resolutely, despite problems or difficulties.
31. Respect/self-respect: to treat myself and others with care and consideration
32. Responsibility: to be responsible and accountable for my actions
33. Safety and protection: to secure, protect, or ensure my own safety or that of others
34. Sensuality and pleasure: to create or enjoy pleasurable and sensual experiences
35. Sexuality: to explore or express my sexuality
36. Skillfulness: to continually practice and improve my skills and apply myself fully
37. Supportiveness: to be supportive, helpful and available to myself or others
38. Trust: to be trustworthy; to be loyal, faithful, sincere, and reliable
39. Other:
-Dr. Russ Harris via actmindfully
Conclusion
Did you find some you liked?
Great.
Your mission this week is to keep these values in mind during each day. If you see an opportunity to live one out, take it! If you want to intentionally create said opportunity, go for it. If all that is too much, however, it is perfectly okay to just stay mindful of them. Your brain may just need a little more time to process all this.
It’s not easy to make a change like this. We’ve all heard the phrase “old habits die hard”. The same goes for trying to build new ones. It might be scary to try something new, or stop doing something, in an effort to live in accordance with your values. You might even upset people. That’s okay. Being yourself and living out your values are worthy pursuits.
I’d love to hear how it goes this week. Thank you for being here.
I love you.
-Ethan
What do you think of ACT? Are you considering finding a therapist to work on it with? Let us know in the comments!
This page is not intended to be medical advice. Consult with a psychiatrist or other provider before pursuing any treatment options discussed here.
If you are in crisis, call or text the National Suicide Hotline: 988